Epiphany

So the other night I'm up bored on Facebook (my usual routine when I don't want to do any form of work). I see that my friends do these little quizzes that is meant to tell you things like "What Kind of Superhero Are You?" and such. Well I found one that I took interest in, which was "Which Fantasy Creature Are You?" and I went along with it, not expecting any results. Heck, for all I know I was going to end up being a Unicorn or a Fairy or something. Low and behold, when I got the results back, I got the thing that I treasure the most (you guys should already know): the Phoenix.

Now usually, Facebook quizzes are a load of bullshit. Let's face it: you answer questions and usually get results that either kinda fits you or doesn't fit you at all. The funny thing about this quiz was that I answered all of the questions honestly and without trying to tweek them for a satisfying result, and what do I get? The very creature that I have grown to look up to. I had an epiphany: the phoenix is, in fact, the very reason why I strive to move forward after all. I mean I've said it a thousand times over, but after this little play on questions and answers I've come to realize that it is something that was meant to be. In all essence, I do live the life of a phoenix: I hurt, I stress, but at the end of the day I end up picking myself right back up and start a new page.

Honestly, lately I have been drained, tired, hell just down in the dumps as a whole if you must. School's definitely been stressful with the work. But you know what? I found some inner strength and inspiration to go out and do what I have to do. I have everyone in my corner that I need and the spark that I need to survive these last few weeks of my freshman year of college.

So I have been very Phoenix oriented lately: my Firefox browser is of a fire theme with golds and reds, my desktop image is of the strong firebird that's right at the top of this very blog, all a reminder that I have that inner fire to keep going.

Fire and Ashes: A Phoenix Update

So yeah, it's been a considerable amount of time since I have written a blog, and might I add SO MUCH HAS GONE ON IN MY LIFE!

First and foremost, the two words that sums up the theme of this semester: NO RESPECT. To clarify what this means, it's pretty much another way of saying that I've just learned to let live and let go. I guess you can say that I've become a little nonchalant with my classes and whatnot, but then again who's still up typing a Philosophy paper due in...oh I don't know...6 hours?

Second, I got the Orientation Leader position that I was dying over :) I definitely can't wait to be a part of the incoming first year's experience the way that my OL was for me. I feel that it would only be right to spread the love of New Paltz that I have to the young'ns so they can enjoy their first year and hopefully the rest of the college years to come.

Now as I have mentioned before, there was someone in my life who has been around for awhile that I have grown to love and appreciate so much. What of it? Only we know: and that's how it should be. As far as what everyone can know, we will always have love and respect for each other until the day we rot and biodegrade.

So all in all, there is a cycle of fire and ashes still going on in my life. I still burn, I still incinerate, but at the end of the day, I bounce right back out fresh from the ashes of life and take everything in. Life is beautiful for me right now, and I plan on making that very consistent.

Oh How I Wish I Could Sing...

"Remember those walls I built?
Well baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your Halo
I got my angel now"

-Beyonce, "Halo"

A few years ago, I had came to the realization of how much music means to me. I may not listen to every single song, but the ones that stick out to me--lyrically more than rhythmically--has such a special way of talking to me and relating to me. Songs like Halo, I Found Myself, and countless other songs speaks directly to my heart and soul. It is so funny how someone you do not know personally can share the same experiences or feel the same emotions that you can be feeling in the present moment.

Without music, I really do not know how I would cope with my life. Music makes me happy, holds me down when I'm sad or angry, makes me believe in love, makes me believe in the good times and assure me that I can always get out of the bad times. Without music, I would not know how to relieve my stresses and obstacles--especially since I love to dance. Putting both together gives me such an escape from life; being able to express myself with movements, and if I'm not moving I can express myself through the words of the artists. Hopefully, music will be there for me the rest of my life.

Bright Lights, Long Nights

"Boy you know I'm kinda tipsy
I got all the Dolls with me
You know how them bottles get me
We gon' have some fun"

-The Pussycat Dolls, "Bottle Pop"

You know what I love about college? I love the little experiences that you get into. With the right people in the right place, you can live the high life sometimes. This semester is proving to have some very high times as it goes by.

Last night, I celebrated my friend Lori's birthday with the usuals and other friends. Let's just say we had some crazy times including some "designated drivers" lol. But point in fact is that birthday celebrations tend to be the best events up here at New Paltz. First it was my birthday (which was wild crazy as well), then Ari and Andrene's birthday where we had a nice little family dinner, and Lori's birthday celebration last night. Rarely have I ever celebrated friends' birthdays the way we do it over here. It feels so family oriented; not to mention we have some really good memories and pics to match.

When senior year comes, we'll be able to look back on these special moments and say "Wow, we had some good ass times." That's how you know that you have some of the most valuable friends in the world.

My Friends Are The Shit, What About Yours?

It is so hard to really find those people that you can call "friends" nowadays. Some people are fair weather friends; they come and go like the seasons. Then you have the select few friends that stick around for the long haul; the friends that you cherish, love, all that good stuff that you can definitely be honest with, laugh, talk, etc.

Now I'm completely aware that most of my posts have been about friendship, but I cannot help it...simply because my friends are the shit lol. What is sparking my post tonight is the great time that I have with my New Paltz friends just talking about whatever comes to mind; learning about each other's views and seeing how much alike we are and--most definitely--how much different we are from each other. It doesn't take a college degree to figure out when you have those friends that you can trust and appreciate. I whole heartedly love my New Paltz family--that includes my Culture Shock heads and my other individuals who I have bonded with this school year. As the semester is coming to a close, I know that I will miss them during the summer. Then again, maybe I won't; I'll make ways to see them one way or another. I mean, they are the shit, so they're worth every second of my time, what can I say?

Smash Into You

"And I'm soaked in your love
And love is right in my path, in my grasp
And me and you belong"
And me and you belong"

-Beyonce, "Smash Into You"

It's so crazy...I haven't felt this way in forever. It's been so long that we've been friends and now that I know that there can be more, what is there to do? I'm scared just as much as he is...but maybe it's to be scared together. Hell, even my best friends see how happy he makes me, and like Beyonce says, "I'm willing to run...Smash Into You." I know that we have all of the time in the world to think, there's no pressure there and that's what I love about this. Either way, I will love him from the bottom of my heart.

This is exactly what I feel about this boy. It's so uncanny how a friend that you know for quite sometime can potentially be Mr. Right; being right there in front of you this whole time while other guys don't even compare to him. The only problem is what will that do to our friendship? One can only hope that it would make us stronger, but what happens if the relationship ends? Like we both figure, we will love each other either way. Question pending: what next? Do we take that next step? Leave things as is? Only time can slowly reveal what is in store for us. Right now, I just want to enjoy him for what he is: a true man in our generation.

I Am Grateful For...

So my homie skillet Angel made up this little holiday called March of Gratitude. What you do is each day of March, you state what you are grateful for everywhere you can: your away messages, Facebook status, on your wall, etc. If I can say so myself, this is the most brilliant thing that I have ever heard.

This month, I have realized all of the things--big and small--that take a positive effect on my life. Even if I was in the shittiest of moods, I could go back and say that I was grateful for something. Hopefully, this holiday that one man has created for friends can soon blow up in a global perspective. More people should be grateful for what they have rather than be miserable for what they don't have. In the short two weeks or so that I have done this exercise, I can say that my outlook on life as of now can be nothing more than positive. Hey, if we can be grateful in March, why not be grateful everyday? I'm sure it would do people some good.

One thing in particular that I was grateful for this week was love. Recently, I have been really close with those who I care for, and it is bringing me nothing but happiness as each day passes. Whether it be friends, family, or a significant other, love does exist; I can comfortably say that I still believe in love and will believe in love for the long run. If I ever tell you any different, then maybe I'm in a bad mood. From what I have been experiencing lately, I have been proven wrong in thinking that maybe love is a silly game. To those who are special to me, I love you dearly.


P.S. I find it ironic that the picture I have for gratitude has mice in it, and I'm musophobic :-\

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

I am most definitely feeling the spring air. This weekend has been, by far, the best weekend that I have had in New Paltz since Blue and Orange Weekend and my first week of school. Friday night my friends and I went to the Kappa party and had nothing but a feel good time. Anytime I dance I just feel free, so even though I still feel sick for some odd reason, I felt relief on the dance floor. Today, the weather was simply BEAUTIFUL. I didn't even have to wear a jacket...well for most of the day that is. My friends and I went to see Watchmen, phenomenal movie I must say. It was a good 2 hours that wasn't wasted lol.

It's days like these that make me really appreciate the school that I go to. I'm looking forward to more weekends--hell, more days--like the past two days that I had. When the weather gets even better, I'm pretty sure the real fun's going to start. I can't wait to share it with my New Paltz family that I have. Each day I think about how grateful I am to have the set of friends that I have in my life, and I hope that they will be in my life for years to come.