This past weekend has dealt a strong blow on my heart. As everyone who's read my blog knows, I've been losing out on a considerable amount of sleep lately due to papers and projects and all that's in between. The past two days, on the other hand, have dealt me some cards that were unexpected.
So Monday night I was walking through the SUB (Student Union Building for the non-NP heads) to go to the ATM machine. Suddenly, I'm stopped by my peers that wanted me to take part in this program called "Tunnel of Oppression." Ever been through one of those walk-through haunted houses? Well, the set up was similar; the "tunnel" had derogatory statements of rape, abuse, homophobia, racism, any form of discrimination that you can think of. I mean hey, I could deal with that, right? Sure...if they didn't have people acting these things out right in front of me. I went through the tunnel twice: the first time went so quickly that I didn't process what was going on. Reluctantly, I went for a second go, and was kind of shocked at how it affected me. Although I debriefed with some counselors from the counseling center (who, by the way, conveniently were waiting at the end) I had a lot of built up emotions that turned into tears by the time I was in Tina's room.
Basically, walking through that "tunnel" brought a vast amount of memories back into my mind. Some memories that I'd rather leave unspoken; others that people know about because I may have openly shared my experiences with them. I just felt with all of the pressures of work and my past being crept back into my mind that I needed release through tears. I mean honestly, I did need to cry. However, the program I felt was pushed upon me at the wrong time. I've been stressed enough and to have skeletons coming out of my closet was the last straw.
But you know what? Another program last night called "Diversity Matters" dealt with almost the same thing in a more subtle, enlightening approach. Many of the workshop activities dealt with breaking barriers and getting to know people on a deeper level; breaking away from the stereotypes and realizing that I am not the only one who have hurt in the past. Last night I cried, too. These tears, compared to the ones from Monday evening, were tears of closure. I felt that whatever I have gone through in life, or whatever my friends have gone through in their lives, was put out on the table and addressed. With this being done, there was some closure. Personally, I was able to face my issues and say "I am definitely not alone; I share my pain with the rest of these people. I can be at ease."
I guess I can say that once again, my inner phoenix is working with me again. I totally feel better than I have been a few days back. All in all, I guess things happen for a reason, and that's where this concept of Sankofa comes in: looking back into your past in order to move forward into the future. This and the phoenix can be interrelated: burning the past and being born into the future with the ashes. Wow, I didn't know I could connect what I've learned in Black Psych with other things in life...good job me lol.
So Monday night I was walking through the SUB (Student Union Building for the non-NP heads) to go to the ATM machine. Suddenly, I'm stopped by my peers that wanted me to take part in this program called "Tunnel of Oppression." Ever been through one of those walk-through haunted houses? Well, the set up was similar; the "tunnel" had derogatory statements of rape, abuse, homophobia, racism, any form of discrimination that you can think of. I mean hey, I could deal with that, right? Sure...if they didn't have people acting these things out right in front of me. I went through the tunnel twice: the first time went so quickly that I didn't process what was going on. Reluctantly, I went for a second go, and was kind of shocked at how it affected me. Although I debriefed with some counselors from the counseling center (who, by the way, conveniently were waiting at the end) I had a lot of built up emotions that turned into tears by the time I was in Tina's room.
Basically, walking through that "tunnel" brought a vast amount of memories back into my mind. Some memories that I'd rather leave unspoken; others that people know about because I may have openly shared my experiences with them. I just felt with all of the pressures of work and my past being crept back into my mind that I needed release through tears. I mean honestly, I did need to cry. However, the program I felt was pushed upon me at the wrong time. I've been stressed enough and to have skeletons coming out of my closet was the last straw.
But you know what? Another program last night called "Diversity Matters" dealt with almost the same thing in a more subtle, enlightening approach. Many of the workshop activities dealt with breaking barriers and getting to know people on a deeper level; breaking away from the stereotypes and realizing that I am not the only one who have hurt in the past. Last night I cried, too. These tears, compared to the ones from Monday evening, were tears of closure. I felt that whatever I have gone through in life, or whatever my friends have gone through in their lives, was put out on the table and addressed. With this being done, there was some closure. Personally, I was able to face my issues and say "I am definitely not alone; I share my pain with the rest of these people. I can be at ease."
I guess I can say that once again, my inner phoenix is working with me again. I totally feel better than I have been a few days back. All in all, I guess things happen for a reason, and that's where this concept of Sankofa comes in: looking back into your past in order to move forward into the future. This and the phoenix can be interrelated: burning the past and being born into the future with the ashes. Wow, I didn't know I could connect what I've learned in Black Psych with other things in life...good job me lol.
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