Air Made of Bricks

"Right under my feet is air made of bricks

That pulls me down and turn me weak for you

I find myself repeating like a broken tune and I'm

Forever excusing your intentions and I

Give in to my pretending

Which forgive you each time without me knowing

They melt my heart to stone..."

-Adele, "Melt My Heart to Stone"

Hmmm...how can I possibly sum up the past three to four months? It's been a hell of a ride I know that much. First off, I've been broke as hell (as I may have mentioned in my last blog). Second, I've seen so many friendships that I hold so dear to me go down the drain, which hurts me to even see that I'm typing such a thing. My relationship I'm not getting too deep into, but there has been trouble in paradise and it's taking somewhat of a long process to piece the bricks together. I've been quite sick of this past semester: work getting out of hand, drama upon drama, it seems as if I can't win for losing.

This blog is just a vent, a rant, quite frankly letting my inner emotions just flow onto the red background of this page. I've had so many low grounds these past few months that I don't even know how the hell I can even put a smile on my face. I mean just to point out the things that I am grateful for, I'm grateful for surprisingly having a successfully academic semester (found out my grades today whoop-di-doo), an amazing dance team, a phenomenal mother, great friends despite their issues and yes an amazing significant other despite our minor issues. Aside from all of those things, I just don't understand why I've been through the things that I've been through, and seen the things that I've seen.

Since it's so close to the New Year, I'm proposing this one thing for myself: I'm simply doing what is best for me. I will apologize right now if I end up hurting people in the process, but I have to be able to learn to mend and fix myself before I can make anyone's life better to live. I need to really get myself together, and if I have to be like *fuck you and you*then that's what I will resort to. I'm not setting a resolution so to speak; just having another epiphany.